Who Needs Friends?


If you listened to last weeks podcast you would have heard Christine Draper explain that her son Luke doesn’t have friends. This is due in part to his dyspraxia, which made it difficult for him to develop a network of friends when he was young and do the things boys his age did. As a consequence, he never made friends when he was younger and so now doesn’t actually miss not having friends

I’ve talked quite a bit before about the importance of friendships to me. My friends particularly those who get having a child with additional needs have helped me through some pretty tough times.  So, hearing Christine talk about her son was a bit of a hard listen for me. She obviously knows her son well and doesn’t think it’s an issue or him, particularly as he has a very close relationship with his sister.

I, on the other hand, still firmly believe my daughter needs more friends. But maybe I’m wrong.

It is the summer holidays here in the UK now, which presents some challenges. None of her friends from school live close enough for her to really catch up with easily. So, it becomes a task in itself to organise catch ups and when we do she doesn’t seem that bothered to see them. But is this a case of chicken and egg? She doesn’t see them enough, so she doesn’t think she needs to see them. Or is it she needs to see them more to find out how to be a friend?

This is an issue that isn’t going to go away. It was inevitable that she would grow apart from the friends she had when she was younger as she faced different challenges and couldn’t manage to the level of independence that they all grew into. So, the friends she has now are similar to her, which means that they aren’t yet mature enough to organise their own social lives.

So, it becomes our job and, frankly, I’m not sure we are that good at it. It’s especially hard for my daughter too as she sees her older sister organising her own social life, seeing friends and going to parties. My youngest may not actually want the same kind of social life but she wants the choice, and we don’t and actually can’t really give to her. She is simply not ready to be let loose in the complicated world of teenage social lives.

Even if she was let loose, would she choose to organise to meet friends? I simply don’t know. What’s the answer? Well, business as usual. I’m going to try and organise her social life as best I can. Just like Christine, I hope I know my daughter well enough to be making the right choices for her when it comes to friendships.