I’m writing this whilst sat on a sun-kissed beach watching my children swim in a crystal blue sea. Tomorrow we are off to Disneyland for a private dinner with Cinderella. Not really…. but just for a moment, you might have believed my highlights reel. Actually, I’m sitting at the kitchen table writing this and, like every week, wondering if I have anything worth saying. After all, I’m just a parent.
I’m just a parent, have you ever said that to yourself? I know I have, particularly when I’m being lectured by the experts about what I should be doing. Then add in those perfect parents who do seem to be on those sun-kissed beaches most holidays. They never let their children eat junk food or sit on their tablets for hours. Then let’s add to mix the media telling us every day that we should be doing something different to what they told us the day before.
It’s not hard to fall into the trap of looking around and wondering if you’re doing IT right – whatever IT may be.
So if these doubts have ever crossed your mind then go have a listen to Claire Sutton talk about being the light. She talks about just being there for our children, and that’s all we actually need to be doing. We need them to know that whatever, wherever and whoever, no one matters more than they do.
I know, based on what has happened to us as a family, you have made some pretty major sacrifices for your child. Maybe lost friends. Certainly spent money you maybe didn’t have just to make sure that your child had everything they needed.
I’ve talked before about mourning the life our children will never have and recently saw a great quote from Colin Farrell about the death of one dream being the birth of so many more. I have never talked to another parent who doesn’t say how much their son or daughter has enriched their lives. I wouldn’t change my daughter I just wish I could change the way the world sees her and, sometimes, treats here. She is an amazing young woman who is funny, feisty and like every other teenager in history constantly pushing the boundaries for independence.
Claire talks so eloquently about “just being the light”, making her daughter understand that whatever happened she was going to be there. Claire’s daughter tried pushing her away, but Claire stood firm. She was a wall of belief in her daughter’s recovery of self-worth. But as Claire admits she said things that she wasn’t sure she believed at the time, but she said them anyway because that’s what our job is to say what our children need to hear.
If we don’t believe in our children who will? And, more importantly, if we don’t believe, how will they know anything is possible, particularly as too often the world tells them so much is impossible. I remind my daughter regularly that she will one day live independently in her own place with a job. There is the ulterior motive there that I no longer have to change her bedding or do her washing, so I call that a win-win. Do I wonder some days how this will happen, of course. But my job is pretty simple: tell her it’s possible, and then find the way to make it possible? I’m just a parent, my daughter’s parent, and that’s all I ever need to be for her.