Tag Archives: additional needs

Promoting Collaboration At Yoocan

Podcast Episode 70 We can sometimes feel that we are alone in our journey but often by simply looking around we realise we are not. The focus of this week’s podcast, Yoocan proves this in the way they provide an online space to share stories and to inspire each other. In this interview, Moshe Gaon co-founder of Yoocan explains why Yoocan exists and what its primary aims and objectives are.

Moshe also talks about how important collaboration is in advancing the way we do things and helping speed up the pace of change for young people with additional needs. He explains why we need to look outside what we know into other areas to find solutions that have been created for other reasons but help us to solve our own problems.

Moshe also talks about why Yoocan is a social enterprise, not a charity and why this is important in the long term not only for the success of Yoocan as a platform for collaboration but also why social enterprises are a better way to bring about real sustainable change.

The hint in the name really but actually Yoocan is about more than what each of us can do it is about understanding that you can do more when you look at what others have done before you or are doing beside you.

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Podcast Transcript
DEBRA: Welcome to Episode 70 of the Journey Skills podcast. I hope you’ve already heard of the organisation which is the focus of this episode, if not, then like me you’ve been missing out on some great resources and generally, just the website that offers so much in terms of ideas and inspiration. If I had to use two words to describe what I’m talking about with Moshe Gaon, the founder of Yoocan, it’s about connection and collaboration.

Over the last two years of doing this podcast, I’ve noticed an awful lot of replication of amazing ideas. To me, this seems such a waste because we need to be learning off each other. And this is not a criticism in any way at all. A full of admiration for everyone I’ve spoken to who is basically stopped talking about an idea and just got out and done it. But I do think that we need to realise that often the beginning of a solution is already out there for us. And we need to be tapping more into each other’s knowledge and experiences. This is only going to help all of us move forward quicker and help us get our young people to where they need to be quicker as well.

It’s a kind of hope that this is where the Journey Skills podcast fills a bit of a gap; making more people aware of the various projects out there and the various people that doing amazing things. And purely from a personal point of view, I’m starting to feel myself that I am so much better equipped to go out and help my daughter achieve the level of independence that she actually wants.

Moshe and I talk about a variety of issues including why there isn’t’ as much collaboration as they should be. We also talk about connection which is incredibly important as we navigate some pretty rocky roads at times. We also discuss this social enterprise idea and why charities can’t solve some of the issues and why we need to be talking more about enterprise and how doing that and having an enterprise changes perceptions, not just for ourselves, but for our young people and actually in the wider community as well.

DEBRA: Today, I’m talking to Moshe Gaon who is from Yoocan. Welcome, Moshe!

MOSHE: Hi, it’s my pleasure.

DEBRA: Can you tell me a little bit about yourself first of all and then what Yoocan is all about?

MOSHE: Sure. I’m a businessman, an entrepreneur and an investor in early stage companies. I’ve been involved in many, many areas in my lifetime working in advertising and marketing, working with innovative startups here in Israel and investing in numerous areas in industry, financial businesses. And about five years ago, I decided that there is a need out there to start a startup that will help people with disabilities solve two major problems in their lives: one is the frustration of search, looking for different things. They may not find where they are and the second thing is the loneliness; the feeling that people have, that they are all alone and when there is a problem that they’re trying to solve, they cannot find the right people to speak to so they feel alone and it doesn’t make a difference where they’re from in the world, it doesn’t make a difference what they have and it really depends you know if they have a child or it themselves.

Those two things; their frustration of search and the frustration of loneliness are equal around the world. So when I’ve learned this from personal experience from my family which I’ll tell you in a minute about, I decided that there’s a need to start this company that will solve these two major problems. That’s how I started with Yoocan.

DEBRA: Can you explain exactly what Yoocan is? I mean you said before it’s obviously a resource centre but what exactly is the purpose of Yoocan?

MOSHE: Okay, so once I explain the need, the need was to try and give this problem a solution. The idea was to develop a collaborative community; a place where people can actually share their stories, learn from other’s experiences and to put together a community that would bring in solutions from around the world to help one another. It could be solving people’s needs for empowerment, to believe in themselves and to believe that they can do things that’s why we called it Yoocan.

And the second thing was to find the resources to help them achieve these dreams of theirs, their goals. So it could be somebody wants to travel around the world, it could be somebody who wants to play music, it could be somebody who wants to dive or to surf, or it could be somebody who wants to learn about fashion or anything that you would like to do. And it starts from early age, from very young children who wanna do things and their parents wanna help them but they don’t know how to do it. And it goes into older adults who have this dream to do things and they wanna learn from others.

So if you go in Yoocan, it’s really a collaborative resource centre that allows people to learn from other’s experiences, to learn from their empowering stories and an access to solutions from around the world, it could be products, services, activities. That’s what Yoocan is about, that’s why we call it You Can Do Anything.

DERBA: So it’s obviously a business startup, so how did it get started? What did you actually do to get things moving? Because you need to market it, you need to get people involved, how have you done that?

MOSHE: Well, my vision was that the problem with a lot of projects that are starting the disability community is that people feel that it’s Philanthropy. This is something that you need to raise money from philanthropists and it’s not something that you could stand on its own and there is no real business model for it. So, usually, as you go along, you waste most of your time trying to raise money rather than actually build a business or build the solution.

So the idea was that we need to learn from other startups from other industries and build something that has the potential to be a business, something that can stand on its own, something that can actually earn money. So we are in what we call the For-Profit Business; a business which is an impact business, it’s designed to do good and is designed to solve people’s problems and to give them solutions but it’s really also designed to be a business that stands on its own and earns money that we can sustain the business as we go along.

So we’re not profitable yet, I mean we’re still building the business but from the beginning it was designed to be something with a business model and our business model is very simple; we provide free solutions to the community but we hope that eventually suppliers, sellers and people themselves will use the platform to buy things or to sell things. And by doing that, we are able to get a commission from the sales and that commission goes into helping the business sustain itself. So that’s the logic of it. The logic is that but the logic is that it will eventually be a business that will provide people solutions on one hand and on the other hand, by the fact that people find those solutions on Yoocan, we will be able to sell things like a marketplace, and from that commission, from those earnings that we will get, we will be able to build a business, increase the potential of it, build more services into it and sustain the business, rather than raise money from philanthropists.

DEBRA: Can we explore that a little bit more because it’s an issue the whole idea that people expect things like this to be a charity as opposed to being a business and that you have to justify that it is a business and not a charity because people think that people with disabilities need a charity to support them as opposed to a business. Is that something you’ve found as well?

MOSHE: Yeah well there are two problems that have to do with for-profit businesses. One is that the investors that are used to investing in startups which are in other industries, you know like crypto or into marketplaces or into internet businesses, they are used to investing in those businesses and they don’t ask questions about what’s the potential, what’s the risk because they’re more used to it, they are more familiar with these businesses and it’s much easier for them to make a decision on investing.

But when it comes to disabilities, it becomes completely different stories because people are used to the idea that when you’re talking disabilities, this is about Philanthropy, this is about not making money, this is about government’s investing. So why should you invest in these companies? And my vision to the world is that people with disabilities are a very big community around the world. They are buyers and they are people with buying power just like any other communities around the world. And they buy a lot of things just like anybody else buys. When you have a family with a disability, you know that there are much more needs. You usually buy things that others don’t really buy, maybe different things. So your buying power maybe bigger for those areas that are relevant for people with disabilities.

So I think that when you actually explore farther into the disability community, you find that many products that are sold for people with disabilities have a very big potential of selling around the world and becoming very good businesses. So, as we look around the world today, because of the innovation, making in 3D, in internet of things, in driverless cars, people are starting to understand that these are industries that have a lot of potential for products for people with disabilities in video, in smart homes. So, if you look at wheelchairs that are becoming more sophisticated, if you look at hearing aids these are becoming more sophisticated, vision aids becoming much smarter and many other areas as well. I think that we will see much more development, much more innovation in these areas. And people will start getting used to the idea that this is a very, very big business.

So, Yoocan is really an innovator in a sense that we still need to convince people that this is a business and we have invested a lot of money into building Yoocan from private investors, myself included. We’ve put a lot of money into building it because we believe that this is something that we invest in something that has a credibility of becoming a business and not just being a business on its own but also being a promoter of other businesses and allowing other businesses, other innovations, other startups to present themselves on Yoocan.

So, if you go on Yoocan, you will see a lot of innovation, you will see a lot of companies, you will see a lot of startups, you will see a lot of technology that we are actually allowing others to present themselves for free. So I hope that eventually, we will be a place where everybody that is involved in disability will appear, will be taking part in and will collaborate with us.

DEBRA: You mentioned before about taking note of what other startups have done in other industries, do you think that’s a bit of an issue when  a lot of organisations seem to go from the very beginning rather than finding out from others so it seems that Yoocan would have a good thing with collaboration of businesses learning from each other even if they’re not doing exactly the same thing.

MOSHE: It’s a very good point because I think that there are a number of problems in what I would call the disability community but also in the Philanthropy area as well; that people are raising a lot of money for many, many things that are duplicated efforts. And if you look at what people are doing, there are so many people who are doing the right things and from the right place in the heart but these are duplication of efforts. They do the exactly the same things that others are doing maybe in their own neighbourhood or definitely in their own country.

So I think that there is a lot of room and a lot of potential for collaboration. We’re doing things together because I think that could also save money but also can save time and efforts because there are many, many things that you may think that you’re doing innovative but somebody else has done it already or somebody else is already has the database or the marketing effort or the knowledge for something that you think you’re starting from the scratch and you need to build up.

So I think that Yoocan is also about telling people that we don’t have to do everything from scratch, we can actually collaborate and the more we collaborate together, the more the efforts will be effective. You can save money, you can build businesses together, you can build marketing efforts together, you can provide services together.

I’ll give an example you know I find people that are working on developing a product because they may have a child with a spinal cord injury and they want to help them surf. But if you go on Yoocan, you will find maybe ten companies around the world already developing surfing boards and you can actually find many, many surfing boards for people with spinal cord injuries already on Amazon and many of them are actually available around the world. So why would you go investing money now in developing something from scratch if you can actually go on Yoocan and find the solution and just order it and get it in two weeks’ time? Instead of working out three months to develop it. That’s just one example.

It goes to music product, it goes into fashion products, it goes into medicine, it goes into wheelchairs. In many industries, I find that people are trying to develop something from scratch where this product exists somewhere else in the world. And when I go around the world talking to people and they come to me and say, “Moshe, do you know of a vision product that can help my child that has this problem?” and I say, “Sure, there’s this company in Israel. We’ve developed this product, why don’t you just you go on Yoocan and talk to these guys.”

So, I think that it’s amazing that it wasn’t done before and nobody has actually done it and it’s also amazing that Yoocan is trying to do it with very limited efforts because we only raised a million half dollars for Yoocan and it’s not too much and we’re not doing it every year in raising funding efforts and celebrations. We believe that we need to be very effective. But I think that we’ve actually achieved so far is pretty amazing compared to the limited time we’ve been around and the money that we’ve invested in it.

And I think that if we get more companies to collaborate with us and we get more partners to work with us and we get more organisations around the world to help us, I think we can actually build the world’s largest resource centre and collaborative community to benefit everybody and the good thing about it is that it’s provided for free to the people. So that people have to pay for it, they’re getting it for free. The only thing we need to do is to get people more awareness to know about us, to share their stories on Yoocan, to look for things on Yoocan and even maybe to buy through Yoocan so we can actually make some commission on it and build a business for them.

DEBRA: I just want to explore that a little bit more the whole idea that we end up doing things from scratch so do you think it’s because people just genuinely think there’s nothing out there so I’m going to  do it all myself?

MOSHE: It’s that as well, yes, I think that many people think that they’re smarter than others so they want to try it on their own. That’s definitely one of them. They think that they know better and they will do it differently. And people don’t understand that it really takes a long time to learn how to do things and it takes a lot of money to build things right so one of the frustrating things that I learned is that many people try and then that after a while they fail and then their efforts go into the garbage and it’s a waste. And I think that many people need to say to themselves, “Before I start something, maybe I should look around and see what’s out there and maybe we can do together rather than start from scratch.”

The second thing is that I think that people think that their needs are different than others and what people do in one place is not similar to what they want which in many cases is not the right thing. I mean, in many cases, they think they’re different but they’re not because what we find is that the problems that may be in one disability may not be solved by the same disability maybe but from another disability that you could find a solution for it.

For example, if somebody doesn’t have a leg because of a disease, I don’t know if its diabetes or an accident, the solution for its problem may come from another disease that created the solution for somebody that lost their leg because of that disease. If you understand what I’m saying. Because the problem was that the person has one leg, it’s nothing because he has diabetes. So what you need to do is to look for what is the problem that somebody is trying to solve; is he trying to ride a bike, he is trying to surf, is he trying to jump from an airplane. What is the problem he is trying to solve, what is he trying to do rather than what disease he has. And my brother’s son, Erez, who is the inspiration for Yoocan, was born 11 years ago with a very, very unique disease. He has multiple disabilities but is still is a very, very sweet kid, he’s smart, he knows how to do many, many things and he likes to do many, many different things but his disability which is multiple limits the way he can move around. So, if we needed to solve his problem, we may find that solution in a disease which is completely different than his because his disease gives him limitation in movement. So, he could actually have a solution riding a bike that comes from a disability which is completely different which is also about movement disability. If you understand what I’m trying to say.

So I think we need to be very, very creative in the way we approach this rather than say, “Oh my kid has this disability I must find him a solution.” Rather than say, “I’ll look around and see other kids who have a movement disability from different disciplines, from different disabilities and see what they’re actually doing and maybe I’ll find a solution which is better for my child.”

DEBRA: Do you think that that’s partly because we have labels and those labels are quite rigid so a person might have autism and that’s what they have?

MOSHE: Yeah, it comes from these structures of how Philanthropy was actually created is that you have a charity that’s about autistic children so the only focus on autistic children and if you have a charity about spinal cord injuries, that is about that. So each one of them is focused and very, very nervous about protecting its investors or its philanthropists and not sharing knowledge and not sharing services, and not sharing databases. And I think that we need to break that, we need to get everybody together to say, “Here’s what we’re doing, here’s what we’re doing great, here’s what we learned that doesn’t work and doesn’t work for us. Once we share that information with one another, I think we can actually build a bigger community. And it’s amazing because disability around the world is about 25% in every population, almost in every country and it’s a huge power community. I mean, there’s a lot of people, a lot of families, it’s every 5th family disability catches on. And still, if you look at its impact on governments, it’s leverage on companies. It’s very limited.

And I think that companies talk about doing things but compared to what they can do is very minimal; corporations are not investing enough money in this community, they’re not investing enough money and find solutions for this community and these are billion dollar companies. We’re doing very, very little compared to what they can do. So I think it’s all because everybody talks about it– collaborations but there’s very little collaboration and I think that what I see the vision for Yoocan is, to be at the head front of telling people what collaboration is about and if you go in to Yoocan, you will see how many companies and how many organizations are already collaborating on Yoocan. We have now more than 1000 organisations on Yoocan. We’re collaborating with many organisations from around the world, you know, UK to Australia to the US to Israel to Germany to every country around the world almost. We have 105 countries participating. We have storytellers, almost 2000 storytellers now on Yoocan from around the world– sharing their stories from every country in the world regardless if these countries talk to one another, the people talk to one another which is pretty amazing.

And I think is what the vision is about. So I think that if we start collaboration, if we break down barriers, if we share information and knowledge, if we allow people to share their stories with one another, if people create awareness for Yoocan, I think it can really change the way people are actually behaving and sharing knowledge and that will solve people’s problem around the world.

DEBRA: Thank you so much for your time.

MOSHE: Great, I appreciate it and share Yoocan story!

DEBRA: Key takeaway? Well I don’t need to reinvent the wheel to solve some of the issues that I’m looking at solving for my daughter. There are already people out there doing some amazing stuff and I need to go and talk to them and learn from them.

Resources
Yoocan website
Yoocan on Facebook

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Seeing Below The Surface

Podcast Episode 69 Accepting ourselves by embracing our strengths and understanding our weaknesses is key to our own happiness. How to do this is the theme of this episode with Alis Rowe founder of The Curly Hair Project.

Alis talks about her own journey from when she was diagnosed in her early twenties with Asperger syndrome. She explains why she created The Curly Hair Project, what is does, and how it aims to help people on the autism spectrum and their families. Alis also shares some practical ideas that she has implemented to enable her to navigate difficult situations and live the life she wants. Some of the ideas are simple, and could apply to any young person with additional needs, but they make a massive day to day difference to someone’s life once they start using them.

Alis also advocates the importance of putting yourself first and making decisions around what is best for you, not others. She acknowledges this won’t always be the easiest option because it requires you to sometimes be very honest with those around you and often with yourself.

Finally, Alis reminds us to be ourselves because, as she says, “Where the magic happens in life is where you embrace the natural strengths and interests that a person has.” We could all do with a little more magic in our lives and listening to Alis should serve as a reminder to all of us that we are so much more than what the world sees on the surface.

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Podcast Transcript
DEBRA: Welcome to Episode 69 of the Journey Skills podcast. Although my focus is often around talking to people who provide solutions or resources in three areas that Journey Skills focuses on which is work, relationships, and daily living, the other part of Journey Skills is very much about sharing stories. When I started these were mainly from parents’ point of view because you always start with what you know, but recently, I’ve been really fortunate to be able to speak to people who have additional needs and see these as an asset and something that they can work with, and that’s a positive message that I definitely want to share with my own daughter.

As a parent, I find this actually as much of a help as finding yet another amazing employer or volunteer organization really helping to change the lives of people because I hope that one day, my daughter will come to see her additional need as an asset and part of what makes her an amazing human being.

So this week, I’m talking to Alis Rowe, the founder of the Curly Hair Project. I’ll let Alis tell her own story but for me personally, this was about talking to someone who shares her story to inspire other people and talking to someone who’s living the kind of life we all want, regardless of any needs; a life of purpose.

The other thing I got from our discussion was the value of tools and sometimes how it’s the very simple things like a To-do list that can really help a young person manage their lives. So Alis shares some very practical solutions as well, but really why this podcast is worth a listen I believe is to hear Alis talk about how to get rid of the things that don’t matter in life.

So the podcast isn’t just a story but it also offers proven solutions that have worked for her and may work for your young person. This is a podcast I’ll ask my daughter to listen to because I think it will resonate with her and I hope it will resonate with you as well.

DEBRA: Today I am talking to Alis Rowe from the Curly Hair Project. Welcome, Alis.

ALIS: Thank you very much.

DEBRA: Can you tell me a little bit about the Curly Hair Project and how it got started?

ALIS: So the Curly Hair Project is a social enterprise that supports people on the autistic spectrum, their families and professionals; so teachers and doctors and anyone working with autistic people. I started it just after I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome in my early 20s because I couldn’t really find many resources in particular for adult women so I created my own. And it was sort of like a way to teach myself about autism but it happened to teach a lot of other people as well. It just grew from there really. So, I’ve written a lot of books; my autobiography is really, really popular. And I’ve written about 25 books and make films and now I’m making rap songs. And it’s just really grown over the last few years.

DEBRA: What’s the main purpose of the Curly Hair Project?

ALIS: Just to educate people, really. I think a lot less now that it’s directly for autistic people, everyone tells me that my work can benefit everyone. It can just make you a more insightful and empathetic person and I really focus on equipping people with practical strategies that can actually change your life and make your life easier. And it’s also to educate people that not everyone sees things in the same way, that someone who appears very shy and unsociable on the surface, might be having some quite severe challenges underneath.

DEBRA: Can we talk a little bit about some specific issues that young adults might have on the spectrum or otherwise (as you said it can apply to other people not necessary people who have autism) things like prioritizing tasks and managing deadlines, have you got some tactics that you could suggest that might help people to manage those issues?

ALIS: So autistic people in particular might have difficulties with this because these skills are all to do with executive functions which is the area in our brain that’s responsible for things like planning, memory, prioritizing, and not getting distracted on regulating our emotions but I think a lot of people have problems with those things anyway. So I think we can all learn to get better at prioritizing and meeting deadlines.

So prioritizing tasks can be difficult because a person may struggle to recognize what’s important, for example, an autistic person might just think that everything’s important otherwise why would they be doing it. So, I think it’s really important to help someone recognize what important means and to determine the value of things because that will help you know what to do first.

Managing deadlines can be really hard because a person might have a bad sense of time. They might not realize how long something is going to take. Sometimes I have a problem where I might have a lot of tasks, for example when I was at university and I just kind of had the assumption that every task was going to take the same amount of time when if I had just maybe taken five minutes at the start of every week and seriously looked at each task and properly considered how long it was going to take, how difficult it was, I think that would have been a really good tip for me to use and for anyone to carry on with.

I’ve also read about something called The Urgency Important Matrix which was created by an American president. So, it’s all about working out which tasks are most important to do based on how important they are and how urgent they are and getting rid of things that are not urgent and not important. So, I find that really useful as well. I also really like to do tasks that are really quick done straight away because it gets some completed straight away and that can be really empowering and freeing.

One thing that was really important and helpful to me with regards to learning to prioritize was actually deciding in my life what was important to me because it’s really difficult to prioritize things if you have to do so many different things every day and your diary is really full. And one of the reasons my diary was always full is because I was doing too many things to please other people or I was doing things that I thought I should be doing rather than things that I actually wanted to do.

For example, spending a lot of time with friends or trying to make new friends when inside I knew that really wasn’t me and I needed a lot more alone time. So, as soon as I started thinking about what was seriously important to me, it really helped me sort of declutter my life and then I had a lot less to do each day. So that was really important. It’s okay to use some hours for other people sometimes but we should always remember that it’s our own needs that come first and if we’re not looking after our own needs, then we can’t really help or support other people either.

Another strategy that I always have when I prioritize is thinking about what’s the worst that will happen if I don’t do something and if the consequence is really bad then that’s an obvious sign that I should do something straight away. Another good way to prioritize or think about what’s important as well so if not doing a task will hold up other tasks for other people, that’s another way to make sure you know what to focus on. I think that’s really helpful as well.

DEBRA: Another area that you provide resources on your website is around diet and exercise and a lot of people struggle with finding the balance between diet and exercise and how to stay healthy, you got any tips that you could suggest to help people in that area?

ALIS: I totally relate to that. I think a lot of people over-complicate nutrition and being healthy. I think eating properly is really important for mental health. A lot of people can have quite bad moods and they don’t sleep well and they get distracted a lot. And a lot of that can be attributed to them not getting enough exercise or having a bad diet and they don’t always realize that. So, I think eating well is really important.

I really just focus on eating the five food groups in moderation and making sure I get enough protein (I’m a weightlifter so eating a lot of protein is really important) and healthy fats because they’re really good at helping you to concentrate. And I eat a lot of vegetables as well. But I don’t really think it should be more complicated than that because life is so complicated already, so I think that’s fine, and obviously, I eat sweet things as well.

DEBRA: As you’re a weight lifter what are the benefits of sports do you think?

ALIS: The benefit is obviously the physical benefits and depending on what’s you do, there’s also a really strong social benefit as well because it can be a means of making friends and socializing but there are other benefits as well that people might not necessarily realize because sports by its nature is very technical and in order to get better at it, you have to actually dedicate to do it on a regular basis. So, it teaches you a good work ethic really of being disciplined and practicing and being persistent  and they’re really, really important skills that transfer to other aspects of your life.

DEBRA: One of the things that you talk about is not expecting the world to change to fit around someone who has autism. People adapting in working together and understanding each other, and that’s sort of big area, isn’t it in general when it comes to additional needs, and the whole idea of how much do you have to adapt. Do you think that there have been changes in terms of people accepting differences? You mentioned very early about people becoming more aware, but do you think there’s more understanding or acceptance?

ALIS: Definitely. When I think back to when I was at school like twenty years ago or even ten years ago when I was at university, even in that time, I don’t really think anyone really knew the word autism, let alone knew what to do with it. So I think so much has changed in the last five years really. I hear a lot of stories now about families with children and their children get all the right support and I think autism is a very open subject now and no one would really be surprised if you talk about or said that you had it because it’s quite widespread now, that knowledge which is excellent. And in turn, I think that has made people more empathetic of people who are different which is really important.

I think that where the magic happens in life is where you embrace the natural strength and interest that a person has so that they can end up sharing their true talents with the world, I think that’s really important which is why I love what I do now because I think I love writing and it’s what I was made to do. So, being able to do it has been amazing. So I think nurturing someone so that they can use their differences, their uniqueness in a positive way is really important rather than trying to change them or make them more mainstream for example.

DEBRA: Do you think there are still stereotypes around autism and what people are like when they have autism and people make assumptions?

ALIS: Yes, I do. I think the worst assumption that kind of affects me is some people think, they assume that I won’t want to do some things so they won’t even bother inviting me out or something. Of course, they think, ‘Oh, she’s autistic, she might not want to do that or be too much for her’. Someone actually said they deliberately didn’t invite me because they thought it would be too much for me. I know they were well-meaning but I didn’t like that assumption. I would much prefer to be asked, you know what I mean?

DEBRA: Yes there’s a saying “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” and not everybody. That’s the reason I asked because I just wanted whether or not you thought that there are still assumptions.

ALIS: That’s another good point as well. I think, as you say, we should always remember that everyone is different and I think sometimes an assumption that autistic people are very quite and introverted and always want to be on their own (and even I thought that as well). It was only very recently that I realized that a lot of them are not like that, they’re actually very extroverted and chatty and they want friends, they just maybe don’t have the social skills to be able to do that. So I think that’s really important to make people aware of as well. And it’s sort of fascinates me how autism is so diverse in that way but it is!

DEBRA: It’s sort of as you say there’s so many different assumptions about people that are not necessarily true because as you say, someone would think that maybe someone with autism doesn’t want to go out and do things when in fact, they could be very sociable. And someone else would be the opposite and go ‘Actually I don’t want to do that’ and you don’t have to have autism to not wanto to go out all the time with other people either.

ALIS: I always think that we should remember that everyone has their own personality as well and is a human being at the end of the day.

DEBRA: I suppose someone gets a diagnosis then that’s when assumptions get made because if you are diagnosed with a particular additional need then everything that goes with that maybe takes away from your personality and makes you someone who has, for example, autism.

ALIS: I definitely agree with that and I think that’s one of the drawbacks of having a diagnosis and the decision to tell people that you have ASD is one to think about really because unfortunately, a lot of people will also change their behavior and their thinking about you as well once you have a diagnosis in a way you don’t want them to as well. So, that can be really hard.

DEBRA: Just finally then, can we talk a little bit about the resources that you have available and the kind of things that you do, you mentioned you did rap songs and things like that, but what else do you have available for people and where can they go to find them?

ALIS: If you go to our website thegirlwiththecurlyhair.co.uk, you’ll find all the resources there. So, as I said, I’m primarily an author that’s what I love to do and I have a lot of books and they’re all really well-reviewed and endorsed by the leading psychologist, Professor Tony Attwood. In the last couple of years, I’ve also started making animated short films and that’s been very exciting; all based on the character, the girl with the curly hair and how she interacts with the world around her. So, we have little series like A Day at Primary School for the Girl with the Curly Hair all the way going up to A Day at Work with the Girl with a Curly Hair.

And we do training as well around the UK, so we do courses and again, they’re all to do with autism but I think a lot of people can benefit from it as well and we’re just sort of going into unconscious bias and empathy training as well. And we do webinars so you can access our training from your home, your computer, or your mobile at home if you don’t live near to our training courses. As I said, I’ve just started making rap songs as well, so that’s awesome.

DEBRA: Is that just something that you decided you wanted to do and tried?

ALIS: When I was a teenager, I was really into rap music and I used to study lyrics for hours every day and I used to rap to my favorite songs and I sort of got out of it as I started working but I had an opportunity last year to make a theme song for The Curly Hair Project so that kind of set me off again and now I’m working on an album. So that’s very exciting. And I think it’s a really cool way to get the message across as well about autism because a few of the songs are about autism.

DEBRA: Yeah, people accept information in different ways, don’t they? So someone might find that an easier way to get the information than some other way.

ALIS: Yeah, definitely.

DEBRA: That’s a really good idea. So, just very quickly, so the plans for the future, rap album, more books?

ALIS: Can’t really think of any more books that I need to write. I kind of covered most of the topics for the time being but I always say that and then within a few months, I write something else because I can’t stop myself but yeah, definitely songs and I really want to make of each a length film as well. That’s my aim for the future.

DEBRA: About the Curly Hair Girl type thing?

ALIS: Yes, a proper like 60-72 animated films.

DEBRA: Alis, thank you so much for talking to me. I really appreciate. The website is amazing and obviously, I’ll put links to everything. Thank you very much for your time.

ALIS: Thank you so much.

DEBRA: Key takeaways? Well, this week I’m going to take a quote from Alis, “Where the magic happens in life is where you embrace the natural strengths and interests that the person has”. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Resources
The Girl With The Curly Hair website
The Girl With The Curly Hair on Facebook

Please subscribe to this podcast and if you have a story you would like to share I would love to hear from you just email debra@journeyskills.com

Please Review Us On iTunes

If you liked this podcast and would like to help us, please do the 1, 2, 3:
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Stay Up Late

Podcast Episode 68 One of the best things about becoming an adult is that no one can tell you what to do, when to do it and what time to be home. However, that’s not always the case for young people with additional needs. Often they still have rules in place that don’t apply to their peers. Stay Up Late is all about changing that and making it easy for anyone to stay up late, stay out late and enjoy the social lives they want on their terms.

Paul Richards the founder of Stay Up Late explains where the idea came from when he saw first-hand what happens when people are not able to have choose how they spend their evenings.Kate Ogden the manager of Gig Buddies which buddies people up so they can go to gigs in a safe and supportive way discusses how gig buddies works, how they make sure people are safe and how they are expanding the model around the world though a franchise model.

Stay Up Late is such a simple idea but one that does so much more than what it says it does, it promotes integration, acceptance and provides people with additional needs a solid base upon which they can start to build a social life of their choice.

Show Full Transcript
Podcast Transcript
DEBRA: Welcome to Episode 68 of the Journey Skills podcast. Often these podcast interviews are about serious issues, not this one. Well, there are some serious parts but essentially this is all about having fun. This is all about how we can help our young people with additional needs have more fun and do what their friends do, which is stay up late.I’m talking to Paul Richards, the founder of Stay Up Late and Kate Ogden, manager of Gig Buddies. And as you hear, it was a pretty fun interview because there’s some great stories in here. And it should be fun because this is all about our young people getting out and enjoying themselves.

What is Stay Up Late? Well, it doesn’t need that much explaining. They’re an organisation that support people through the Gig Buddies program to access a variety of social activities that most people take for granted. It enables people to widen their taste of music, enables people to develop their social skills and it enables people to refine their social scripts.

It’s also about integration for the person who has additional needs, for the buddies that they go to the gigs with, and in fact, as Paul and Kate explained, for everyone that’s actually in that venue. And that if you like as the serious part of our chat where Paul talks about why he believes that we should be focused on integration, not segregation when it comes to how young people with additional needs enjoy their social lives. They do say music brings people together and in a sense, that’s what Stay Up Late is doing.

DEBRA: Today I am talking to Paul Richards who’s the Director of Stay Up Late and Kate Ogden who is the project manager of Gig Buddies. Welcome.

BOTH: Hello.

DEBRA: So, Paul can you tell me a little bit about Stay Up Late, how it got started?

PAUL: Stay Up Late got started when I was the bass player in a punk band and three of the members of the band have learning disabilities. We were called Heavy Load and we started in the mid nineties. We used to play a lot of disability club nights, up and down the country and at nine o’clock, often before we even got on stage, half the audience would leave and that wasn’t because of our highly chaotic performances (which were an acquired taste it must be said). We always thought it was to do with the fundamental problem with the way that social care was organized and people couldn’t stay up late and we were right. That was what was going on.

So, what happened was in the early 2000s, a film company got in touch with us and followed us around for a couple of years, made a film about us. And one of the stories in the films was about how we were getting more and more fed up with seeing people leaving nights out early just because support was inflexible. And so that was a story in the film and the film came out, it was on the BBC, it was in cinemas, it was on TV in the US, International Film Festivals and so we got out this to a wide audience of people who all agreed with what we were calling for. Because the issue isn’t about how late you stay up late, it’s about having a choice over how you live your life.

So the band ceased to exist in 2012 after 15 years of anarchy and mayhem. Our last gig was in Trafalgar Square, as part of the Paralympics and not a bad way to bow out So we created the charity because I knew the band couldn’t carry on forever and I felt like we’d started a really important conversation and to me, it felt irresponsible to just stop things.I wanted to be a part of trying to do something about it and literally the week after our last gig, I got a letter from the City Council in Brighton and Hove saying that we got funding approved to start our Gig Buddies Project and that led to us employing Kate and the team of people who now support the work.

We do two main things, one is campaigning against inflexible systems that restrict people from living the lives that they want and the sort of institutional practices that happen where adults are told what time to go to bed, when to go out, what to do, go out in groups. Then the other thing is Gig Buddies being our sort of practical response to it by also saying people with learning disabilities have every right and probably want to do all of the things that lots of other people regularly do anyway; going out and seeing great music, going to clubs, going to pubs, doing those sort of mainstream stuff in a non-segregated way and that’s what Gig Buddies does.

DEBRA: Gig Buddies how does it work?

KATE: So, Gig Buddies matches volunteer with somebody with a learning disability to go to gigs together once or twice a month. We match people usually based on a shared interest in music, but occasionally it’s other hobbies as well. The main thing is that they’re both choosing to do something that they enjoy together and it’s fun for both people.

The idea being there is if there’s somebody with a learning disability who wants to go out late, go clubbing, it’s not the barrier of a staff member saying “I have to finish at this time”, the volunteer will say “I’m up for that and we will stay as late as you want to”. So that’s a simple answer to how Gig Buddies works.

DEBRA: How do you find the volunteers?

KATE: Lots of different ways but often it’s word of mouth. So, if somebody’s volunteering for us and they tell their friends, they say that it’s a great, fun thing to do, it’s an easy way to volunteer and lots of people do it because they know someone who has done it. We also have quite a lot of volunteers that understand the barriers because they might have a sibling with a learning disability or they’ve grown up with relatives with learning disabilities so they believe in this social campaigning side of things and they want to help. Sometimes people see a poster at a gig. There are lots of different ways. Social media is a really important way for us to recruit people.

PAUL: We’ve got a couple of people who run venues as well, haven’t we?

KATE: Yeah, that’s true. So people that have seen Gig Buddies come into their venue and so thye promote us tand join as volunteers as well.

DEBRA: So you mentioned a little bit about social care, do most people come through that system so they’re not necessarily living with their parents?

KATE: It’s mixed, actually. Most people are living in supported homes but we also have people that are still living at home with their parents and their parents will refer their son or daughter who’s over 18 as well.

DEBRA: When volunteers get together with the young person with additional needs, is it just about going to a gig or do friendships develop outside that?

KATE: It’s not just about the one-to-one relationship although its really key they build up a good rapport together and have fun going out. But with the volunteers, we ask them to help their gig buddy to make friends outside of that one-to-one relationship. Partly because there’s no guarantee that the volunteer will stick around long-term. We ask for volunteers to be a buddy for at least a year. We’ve got some amazing pairs of gig buddies that are still together five years after they started. But obviously, life changes people move or they have different life commitments and if the volunteer leaves, we found it’s much more successful if their buddies are part of the wider community through going to gig buddies’ socials or making friends with other gig buddies. So the way that we do that is we have monthly socials in different towns across Sussex. We encourage the volunteers to bring their gig buddies to these in the hope that they’ll eventually come to those independently, make other friends and be able to go out not just not with their gig buddy but with other people who are part of our project.

DEBRA: Is it about developing social skills transitioning from having that one gig buddy into making your own friends, going out with other people, not necessarily your gig buddy.

PAUL: Yes, being confident about going into new places and chatting with people. I always say if you went into a busy pub in the UK and you had come from another country, never been here before, you would sit down at a table and you would be there for about two and a half hours thinking the table service in this place is awful. There are no written rules about how any of this stuff works and I think a lot of people with learning disabilities, they don’t know always what the rules are about; how you go in and queue up and try and attract someone’s attention, make eye contact. All of those little nuances about just what goes on in our communities.

So it’s about equipping people with those skills by enabling them to go out with somebody else who does know how it works and they can navigate it together and learn. Whilst it’s called Gig Buddies, like Kate said, it’s not about gigs at all, it’s that shared interests, it’s the hook on which to hopefully support people to do much wider things, both within the project and without it.

And I think, there are lots of nights for people with learning disabilities and they’re really well-intentioned and well-meaning and many of them are great but if you love hardcore punk or drum and bass, are you going to get that, is there going to be booze (alcohol) there and are there going to be other people without disabilities there? Those kinds of nights are a well-meaning, well-intentioned form of segregation but with support and planning, people can go out and go out clubbing and go to music festivals and these things aren’t as dangerous as people make out if you prepare and plan for it.

And then it’s about people saying “What do you want to do with your life?” and try to enable that to happen rather than telling somebody while you have a learning disability, therefore, you must go to this disco, this is for you.

The more I think about that sort of thing is that perhaps we need to communicate and educate in the wider community of a message which is a bit more around, get over yourself a bit, be more accepting and understand that if somebody makes a loud noise in the supermarket then they can’t help that, that’s just how they are.

DEBRA: Have you had examples of where you’re seeing people change their opinions in the wider community?

KATE: One of the things that have come out of the Gig Buddies project particularly in Brighton and Hove is venues changing the way that they approach customers with disabilities. So for example, we had a pair of gig buddies at one of the big venues in Brighton, watching a pop gig, it was loud, there was dancing downstairs, people were stood up and taking photos. And one of the gig buddies in the upstair seats stood up to have a dance and take a photo and was asked by the steward to  sit down and stop taking photos. A member of the public saw the volunteer in the Gig Buddies t-shirt and complained and said, “Why was that man asked to sit down? There was no signs up saying you’re not allowed to take photos, you’re not allowed to dance. It’s a pop concert.”

And the venue got back in touch with us and apologized and said, “What can we do to be more inclusive?” So, it ended up being a bit of work with them about training their staff and making it clearer to people. So, is there an area that people can sit? But if they want to stand, they can or if they want to take photos and dance, they can. It’s just making it clearer to people because if there’s no explanation people don’t know what the rules are.

PAUL: These rules that aren’t always written down, or if they are written down they’re not very accessible.

DEBRA: Can we talk about the all-important funding and how that works?

PAUL: At the moment we’re funded solely really through grants and also we get some funding from Brighton and Hove City Council and West Sussex County Council, and then a few small grants and donations from trusts. It’s an ongoing hamster wheel kind of situation of keep applying for funding and we’re looking at new ways at the moment of trying to broaden that out and see if there are any companies and people that would buy into what we’re doing and help us out.

I guess it’s a fairly young and small charity. We can’t compete with some of the massive charities but we work hard at it. And at the moment, we’re doing okay. We employ 13 people, many of those are part-time but 5 have a learning disability as well. So, we really try to use that money in a way that is living out, what our vision is of how the world should be.

Another smaller project that we do is a team of people with learning disabilities does quality reviews for a local support provider. They used to do those in-house but now, we run it for them. What we’ve found in doing that sort of work is the quality of answers that you get back from people when a question is asked by a peer is completely different if the support work or managers were to ask that question. It’s completely different. It has so much more value to it because of that.

DEBRA: I want to ask is how someone might replicate this, but one of the issues that I think that parents would have, is the security risk when you have volunteers and you have young people who are sometimes a bit more vulnerable. How do you guys manage that?

KATE: So, we actually started Gig Buddies in a box, which is a franchise so other people have started gig buddies around the country and actually in Australia as well. We’ve got Gig Buddies Sydney which was the first pilot project. And that all came out of Paul talking at a disability conference and a woman who works for a disability organisation in Australia thinking “I want to do that”. And I guess, similar to your question really, we want to make sure that the ethos and the values are kept the same and that we don’t lose the quality of what we’re trying to achieve. We’d much rather that we consult people and train them properly to be able to start it. So, we charge a license fee for other people to use the Gig Buddies trademark. But it’s not something we ever expected to do because it’s such a simple idea who I thought “Well, other people must be doing this.” It’s kind of an obvious solution to the problem but maybe it was called different things, but actually, we found out no one else was doing something quite like this.

When we offer it to other organisations to run Gig Buddies in their town or their area, we try and go through all the things like how to do it, risk assessment for individuals that’s kind of dynamic, and making sure that volunteers are DBS checked, we get references from people, we train all the volunteers, ourselves. So we interview them and it’s a kind of a long process to make sure we get the right people.

And that seems to work really well so far. We got hundreds of pairs of Gig Buddies going out in Sussex and then we’ve got 12 other Gig Buddies organizations around the UK and another one about to start in Scotland. So, it seems to be working quite well.

PAUL: We insist that it’s part of the volunteer training, that safeguarding is covered. And also, actually, what our experience shows is the process of safeguarding does more. We originally thought it’s to protect people when they’re going out, so they’re going out to a late night club and it’s led to people drinking and stuff like that, that could be a potentially hazardous situation. So it’s about making sure that people are equipped with emergency phone numbers and have thought about what issues might be.

But what we’ve also found is that it keeps people safer because we’ve had volunteers come back and say, “I’m worried about my buddy, they’ve been getting weird texts” “I didn’t like the way the support workers spoke to when they got home” and things like that. It’s enabled us to go back either to that setting or even to social services and flag up issues. So it’s actually created another layer of safety in people’s lives rather than put them at more risks. I do think Kate, you’re a bit of an expert at planning for risks, we’ve done 7 Glastonbury festivals now, and we’ve still not lost anyone. (laughs)

Glastonbury it’s colossal and there is so much that could go wrong but you can’t plan for every eventuality. It’s about having that mindset of make this happen and let’s think about how we can make sure that this is a great experience for someone. Because it would be very easy to just turn it round the other way around and say, “There are lots of things that could go wrong so let’s not do it.” You know and I think that generally seems to be the default situation sadly for a lot of people.

DEBRA: I would suspect that’s the first thing parents go is “I’m not sure that will be safe for them to do that”, so that must be a little bit of a barrier that comes when young people approach you.

KATE: Occasionally but actually most of the time, parents are really keen for their grownup child, their son or daughter to be part of Gig Buddies. Lots of parents are really keen to see their young person go out and have fun and experience all the things. Most people are really positive and if they are anxious, then we work with them to find out why they’re anxious and how we can help them overcome those anxieties. For example, one of the people that we took to Glastonbury this summer, we just had one-to-one meetings with her and her mom and talked through all the possible situations and her mom said, “I felt really reassured and not worried at all” and that she was really excited for her on her behalf to be able to have an experience of a lifetime.

So it’s just about having good communication with people and talking things through.

PAUL: We’ve had that in the past, haven’t we? Looking at Glastonbury as an example where parents who have expressed a fair degree of anxiety about what could happen. We’ve listened and we’ve worked through those as well. I think when we first started the project, I was also mindful of that. We were a new project without any track record and so parents would quite rightly say, “Who are those people?” So we worked with some people we did know, parents that we did know and who trusted us and knew our backgrounds and used that to start building that foundation and also being really clear and transparent with people about the steps that we do take.

DEBRA: Not everyone’s going to have access to Gig Buddies, hopefully soon it’s gonna be worldwide in every town, and clearly you’ve got the model for that, but what could parents do to help their young person as an adult, what kind of things would you recommend?

PAUL: If you’ve got like a network of friendships or something like that. And also, thinking about perhaps going out and starting off with things that aren’t going to be really challenging and create loads of anxiety so if someone’s never been to a gig before, you know, maybe don’t go to the local arena where there are 10,000 people screaming their heads off and crowds surfing. Maybe go and do something like go to the pub or something like that. Maybe just try stuff out as well, you know, reflect on what people do and don’t seem to like. So when we typically ask people what they’re into, as one of the first questions we ask people, it’s generally X factor. But that’s what people watch on a TV, listen to on the radio and it’s on Youtube and all of that sort of stuff.

And I see our role is about to try to widen people’s perspectives as well and going down the town to local pubs and see what other sorts of music they do or don’t like or other things they can try. So I would say, you know, ideally, if you can hook them up with somebody who would be happy to go out with them, just go and do buy up the small things and see how they go and just get a bit more adventurous.

DEBRA: Thank you very much.

PAUL: Thank you.

KATE: Thank you so much.

DEBRA: Key takeaway? It’s the simplest ideas that can have the biggest impact. This is on the face of it, a very simple idea but when we think about it, it could change young people’s lives in so many ways. And also, I think to change other people’s lives around them.

Resources
Stay Up Late
Gig Buddies
Gig Buddies Projects in the UK
Gig Buddies Sydney

Please subscribe to this podcast and if you have a story you would like to share I would love to hear from you just email debra@journeyskills.com

Please Review Us On iTunes

If you liked this podcast and would like to help us, please do the 1, 2, 3:
(1) Click Review on iTunes (2) Click ‘View in Itunes’; and (3) Click on ‘Ratings and Reviews’ (just to the right of ‘Details’) and leave a review.

Holiday Take-Homes



Shake things upHolidays are a good time to shake it up. Normal routine is out. Normal sleeping is out. Normal food is out. So with all this disruption, when could be a better time to jolt our children to greater independence? You take more of a holiday. Let them work.

You deserve a rest. You have more time because, presumably, you’re relaxing as a family. So don’t hurry. You don’t have anywhere to be. Use the time as a slow opportunity to solve ongoing problems/issues that you don’t always have time to address. Start the day by letting them get their own breakfast.

We first did this a while back now with our daughter at the buffet breakfast area of the hotel in which we were staying. She enjoyed the adventure. First the juice – bring it back to the table. Next the cereal – back to table. Eggs and toast – table. Then pastries. We did, breakfast pastrieshowever, quickly realise we didn’t just need to show her how to get breakfast, we needed to also teach her restraint and healthy eating. We aimed for a reasonably healthy breakfast, whereas without guidance she went for the less healthy more sugar option.

After a week of this, when we came home we tried letting her make her own breakfast. We put the cereal out, and a bowl and spoon. Except for school days she has always got up before anyone in the house. So when we came down on weekends we found the scattered remains of breakfast. Bowl on the table, the dirty spoon next to it. Crumbs on the bench and a puddle of milk next to that. We realised then this was going to take a little practice and patience.

We also did some practical things to help her: we bought a small carton of milk. She was still a junior school then, and so a large carton of milk was too heavy for her to control as she poured. This is probably the way to go for all children without a lot of core strength, or even having a pre-poured small jug of milk left in the fridge with just the right amount in.

Another thing we perfected while on holiday was getting dressed. There’s ample time and plenty of opportunities as we change from clothes to swimming trunks and back again. It’s also a chance to teach modesty if your child is not as aware as you would like them to be.

Maybe if you’re camping there’s a chance to learn to ride a bike. Balance issues is often a challenge for children with additional needs. I, or should I say my daughter and I because it was a marathon for her too, spent many hours teaching her to ride. Follow the link for our download explaining the steps we went through to solve this. Learning to ride sometimes takes time and perseverance.

On holiday are other skills older children/young adults can develop too. Going to reception if you’re in a hotel and asking for more towels for example. I think that hotels are a relatively safe environment to let my children wander to experience being away from us alone, but that is your call. Independence can’t happen without us letting go to some degree.

If that’s a bit more than what you feel they are ready for, going across to the café for a cold drink while under your watchful eye from the pool might not be. This could be their chance to stroll , get distracted, take forever so whatever they’re buying for you is cold by the time they arrive back – perhaps it’s better to ask for juice rather than coffee.

But seriously though, holidays are a good time to practice independence skills. You aren’t in a rush. Sometimes we do more than we should, and on holiday could be a good testing ground to see what we can stop doing for them, because we aren’t trying to get out of the door by 3 minutes past 8. The benefits of them developing greater independence skills are for the whole family. Other children won’t feel a sibling is being given more attention. You will have more time.  Your child will feel just that little bit more independent, more grown up. In Breaking Bad Habits I talked about the habit loop. We all get stuck in our habit loops, so let’s use holidays as a chance to break some of them. Good luck!

To easy the stress of the travel, Vicki in this week’s podcast Happy Holidays gives useful suggestions on how to cope.  Vicki is a travel consultant, as well as a mother to a child with additional needs.

No Debt Holidays

dreaming about summer holidayIt’s coming up to the summer holidays for us here in the UK and so holiday planning is in full swing. I’ve been listening to the Dave Ramsey Show podcast  recently, and his golden rule about borrowing.  He believes, ‘Cash is king, and being debt free has taken the place of a BMW as the status symbol of choice.’  And I know what he’d say about borrowing for holidays.

Those of you in North America might already know of Dave Ramsey.  He has a syndicated talk back radio show in which he dispenses money advice.  If you live in other parts of the world look for the ‘Dave Ramsey Show’ on iTunes or Stitcher. More often than not he berates his callers, My personal favourite  ‘Are you sure you want to do that?  That’s like inviting Murphy and his three cousins Broke, Desperate and Stupid to come live in your spare bedroom.’

I must admit in years gone by I’ve often invited Broke, Desperate and Stupid to live in my spare room.  I did the wrong thing of drawing money out of our house mortgage to fund a Cracking piggy bankfamily trip to Australia – my justification? the girls needed to see their mother’s homeland.  But not anymore.  Although I’d already started to come around to Dave’s way of thinking, even before I heard him he just helped confirm my on idiocy.

The problem I had, which maybe some of you can identify with is, wanting the holiday my income couldn’t afford. To quote Dave again I need to remember to ‘Act your wage.’   Off course I told myself it is for the greater good, that the family needs a break. That my daughter with additional needs deserves a fun holiday (which she does). But actually what she really deserves and needs more is a secure financial future.

My solution, not based on rational thought, was to take money from the mortgage or put it all on a credit card.  But it’s at times like these I should have done the maths. I should have taken out the fact sheet they gave us when we signed up for the mortgage; that we skipped Throwing Away Money into a binover because we just wanted to buy the house.  That small print that tells me  something like for every pound, dollar or euro your borrow, you will be paying back to the bank 2.4 times this.  That would have reminded me that the 3,000 holiday was really going to cost me 7,000+ when I had fully paid it back.

I should have remembered that credit cards aren’t the answer either.  Their annual interest rate is often close to 25%, which again adds extra charges to any holiday costs especially if I don’t manage to get it  paid off in full very quickly.

The answer is, and thankfully I am ready to accept it now , to save gradually throughout the year.  Budget.  Do what my parents’ did.  Put a set amount into a savings account depending on where we are planning to go so that when the time comes to book the holiday the money is there.

To be honest I have always believed in avoiding debt for anything other than to buy a home. But over time I started to ignored my inner voice telling me debt equals interest payments. I completely forgot that  interest payments are money I am not able to use towards helping my family and especially safeguarding the future of my daughter with additional needs.

In the long run, I know that to give my daughter the best I can means looking after myself ladder to the sky and successfinancially.  Before I help others I have to help myself. As Dave tells me very week ‘Live like no else today, so you can live like no else tomorrow’.

I’m not suggesting for one moment that you or I cancel holidays already booked but I am suggesting that we should all think before we put holidays on debt.  I need to think more before I act, to build long term financial security, so all the dreams I have for my daughter, with additional needs, to live an independent life are affordable dreams.