Author Archives: Journey Skills

What’s In A Job?

What’s in a job? An awful lot, I believe, if you’re a young person with additional needs. I should qualify that by acknowledging that for some young people there will be restrictions on the kind of jobs they can hold down because of the nature of their needs. I know certain jobs my daughter has expressed an interest in won’t work for her, like being a tour guide at Harry Potter World. She gets anxious in large groups. But I do remember one parent telling me how important it is to work with what our children want to do, and try and find a creative way for them achieve that. So for my daughter possibly a tour guide in a smaller attraction is an option.

In my mind I have this plan: my daughter will one day have a job, earn her own money and live independently. But it isn’t a plan with a timescale attached. She is 16, so plenty of time to worry about that later, right? No, wrong! the years fly by. So instead of just talking, I need to start timing the plan. At the same age, my oldest already had a part-time job on the weekend. This not only helped her confidence, but it gave her a sense of control over her own life because the money she earned she could spend any way she wanted. A sense of control is an essential part of growing up, and one many young people with additional needs miss out on. The fact is very few young people with additional needs end up having part-time jobs while still in full-time education.

So what is the first step to getting this part-time job? One option is to start with volunteering because there needs to be a dose of realism here. Volunteering can enable her to experience the world of work without the pressures that come with a paid job. But this has to be temporary. Volunteering, in my mind, is not a job; it’s giving something back to the community, which we should all do but it won’t help pay the bills.

Another option could be asking friends with businesses to help out with some work experience, unpaid at first most likely. Most of us know people who have a business, and maybe they have a role which fits into what your young person is interested in. If you’re very lucky you just happen to have a friend who owns a video games company or a chocolate factory. But I don’t think the role is as important as the responsibility of having to be somewhere, to do something. That gives the sense of progress towards independence.

If you are lucky enough to have one of the organizations I have talked with on the podcast on your doorstep, then this whole process might be easier. Approach them and see what connections they can help out with.  This is a good chance to start planning ahead because if you’re similar to me your son/daughter is still at school so not in need of these services just yet. Organizations like Invictus Enterprises, Team Domenica, Acceptable Enterprises, Yes She Can Inc. and bemix are ready and able to provide the stepping stones into paid employment.

In so many ways we support our children, so helping them transition into paid work is just another one of our many challenges. But I feel the rewards will be worth the struggles. I can’t wait for my daughter to get her first paycheck and choose to spend her money on something I totally disapprove of. A job will equal more control over her life, more choices and she deserves this just like everyone else.

Invictus Enterprises: Building The Steps Into Work

Podcast Episode 46. What happens to young people with additional needs when they finish full-time education? How will they find employment? How will they cope on their own throughout adulthood? Continue reading

Get The Basics Right


My oldest daughter has just moved out of home to go to university. My dream is that one day my youngest daughter will also move out, maybe not to go to university but to at least live in a place of her own. So as my oldest headed towards an independent life I suddenly realized that even she had some gaps in her knowledge of daily living skills. But I know that she will adapt very quickly and be fine. Could I say the same for my youngest daughter with additional needs – I’m not sure.

We have been working on some skills with our youngest particularly in areas like food shopping. She is referred to in our house as the trolley queen because, despite a difficult start where she really needed warning lights, she is now very adept at manoeuvering around the supermarket. She also knows where most items are in our regular supermarket. She is an expert at self-checkout and we often send her in alone (we are of course lurking outside the only exit) with a small shopping list. Contactless cards are surely the future!

What got me thinking about how much we have taught her was that talking to Lisa at Team Domenica in the last podcast she said that often the young people that come to them lack some of the basic daily living skills and I started to question whether this is also the case with my daughter.

How many times have we not given our daughter the chance to do things herself? And it’s not because we don’t want her to be independent or that we don’t think she can do it even. It’s that protective thing that last so much longer I think when you have a child with additional needs. I don’t want her to go into a café and order a drink and be embarrassed because they don’t understand her or for her to give the wrong money. Why do I still take her to the hairdresser when I don’t need to be there. Why doesn’t she look after her own train ticket when we are out? Make her own lunch all the time. Am I protecting her or making her transition towards independence slower and more difficult.

I know I’ve talked before about letting go before but listening to Lisa was a reminder to stop talking about it and do it. I’ve treated my daughter differently. Okay so maybe my youngest has it over my oldest when it comes to the supermarket but that was probably it. My oldest was encouraged to go into shops to order for herself. As she got old enough she was responsible for washing her own clothes. And yes it sometimes meant she had no clean clothes, but she soon figured out the solution was regular use of the washing machine. With my youngest it’s all too ad hoc, I pick things she can do easily not things that will challenge her.  Am I simply too hands-on with my younger daughter probably – actually – no definitely. So it’s back to basics, if she should be doing it then from now on she will be doing it by herself. These skills may seem easy and basic to me but to her, they are the first big step towards independence.

Team Domenica – Supporting Success In The Workplace

Podcast Episode 45. Successful sustainable employment opportunities for young people with additional needs comes when support is provided for not just the young person but also for their employer too. Continue reading

Tell Me A Story


Do you have a favorite story? Mine is The Magic Pudding, an Australian tale of … you guessed it … a magic pudding that no matter how much someone eats of him, he simply grows back again. I’m sure there are many of us who would love a Magic Cake on hand.  I’m not sure why this is my favorite story, maybe there are deeper reasons related to coming back no matter what happens, but maybe it’s much simpler – I liked the story. Why this analysis of my childhood reading habits? Well, partly, because my latest podcast Using Storytelling To Build Self Worth with Diane King was all about storytelling, and its importance in all our lives. Diane has also written a children’s book Ruby Red which is about a young girl with additional needs and how she navigates through her life.

My daughter had a favorite story called, How To Catch A Star. From early on, though, we tried to use stories to help her understand her world better. There was a series of books we used with titles like, How Hattie Hated Kindness and A Pea Called Mildred. These books were designed to encourage children to think about why they felt a certain way. So, for example, Hattie thought she was rubbish and the book was all about making her understand that she was as important as everyone else. A pretty important message I think for young children with additional needs who have started to wonder why they are different.

I didn’t realize it then, but we were trying to teach our daughter in a way Diane described as caught learning, not taught learning. The message was delivered in a way which didn’t seem about the teaching. I don’t think my daughter would have understood if I simply sat her down and told her you’re great (which she obviously is). But these books helped her see that she wasn’t the only one with these types of feelings. These books aren’t just for children with additional needs, but we found them a way to reach her and show her feelings like this are normal.

Don’t get me wrong I love these books, but I do wonder now if they were too heavy on the message and maybe missed something in the story and the rhyme and alliteration. After working with speech and language Diane became aware of the important link between rhyme and alliteration, and its role in helping children communicate. This led her to write her book Ruby Redas a rhyming adventure. Looking back at both my daughter’s favorite books, I realize now how much she preferred books with rhyme. Another of her favorites series was Hairy McClary, especially any stories where Schnitzel von Krumm featured.

I’m not going to lecture anyone on the importance of reading for our children, particularly if a child struggles to read, but it is an important part of how we discover our world. And, as Diane talked about, it’s a place to express emotions, to be scared, to laugh, feel empathy and feel all the kinds of things my daughter found quite difficult when younger, and to be honest still struggles with today.  All this immersive interaction with the story allows our children to experience different emotions in a safe and controlled environment.

But I think we need more books like Ruby Red and Josh Has Dyspraxia, whose author Christine Draper I talked to in Episode 41 of the podcast. These books serve two purposes: firstly, to help our children understand they are not alone; secondly, more importantly, to educate other children in a non-lecturing way what it means to have additional needs. Both Diane and Christine have written fantastic books. Stories change the world, so maybe these types of stories can help change perceptions.

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Creating Job Options


The world of work has changed, in part because of new technology but also in expectations of us as employees. Jobs have become more generalized. Retailers, in particular, want flexible employees who can perform multiple tasks. Why is this? Well, as my guest on the latest podcast Yes She Can Inc, Marjorie Madfis said, businesses aren’t in the business of employment, they want as few employees as possible.

The impact this trend has on young people with additional needs formed part of the discussion with Marjorie. She explained that around 80% of adults with autism in the U.S are unemployed and, as the parent of a young woman with autism, she decided to take things into her own hands and create a reselling business called Girl Again. This reflects her own daughters’ interest in American girl dolls. This decision was also driven by her observation that the programs that were supposed to be developing her daughter’s employability skills were not training her in the skills she really needed in the workplace. These included understanding the priorities of others (managers and customers), shifting from one task to another, and dealing with uncertainty and incomplete information.

These types of skills that are harder for our young people with additional needs to develop. In my own daughter’s case, she likes to know “the plan” and changes to that plan do upset her. So I can only imagine what the result might be in a workplace if she was asked to move from one task to another, or something unexpected happened.

One of the keys to the success of what Marjorie is doing seems to be in her actual choice of business type. Girl Again is a reselling business. They receive donations of American Girl Dolls and then sort, clean and prepare them for resale. The dolls are then sold in their retail store as well as online. This process enables the development of a variety of skills because, as Marjorie says, if the dolls were brand new the number of steps in the process would be small. The great thing about a reselling business is it can be in anything that a young person is interested in… I wonder if there is a market for second-hand Harry Potter merchandise!

But, and its quite a big but, it is often the case that even with all the employability training in the world some young people with additional needs will still find it hard to develop the transferable job skills talked about above. They may have an excellent set of narrow skills which may not fit into today’s job market. The answer to this dilemma, according to Marjorie, is to look at smaller businesses where specialization can add value to that business. She uses the example of the real estate company who have sales staff doing data entry rather than out selling houses. The right person with the right skills could free up their time. The key here, as with a lot of what so many people I talk to on the podcast are doing, is making people see that someone with additional needs can be as productive in the workplace as anyone else.

 

Guilt Trip – No Postcards Please


Guilt! More Guilt! Lots of Guilt! That’s one of the things that I really got from the latest podcast, Wake Up To Sleep, even though it was about sleep. But guilt does surround us if our child is not sleeping. In fact, so many things we do as parents and carers to children with additional needs carry around feelings of guilt even when they’re not warranted.

Vicky Dawson from The Children’s Sleep Charity talked about how parents feel guilty when they can’t do something as basic as getting their children to sleep. They feel judged, and maybe we’ve all done it. Perhaps we’ve all once thought, well if those kids had proper bedtime routines…. But it’s a very small minority of parents who don’t care when their children go to bed, so in 99.99% of cases, the judgment is ill-informed. It comes down to what is expected of us as parents how our children should be according to some arbitrary “norm” and we all feel guilty when we fail to achieve this arbitrary gold standard.

Like many parents my guilt started very early with, “what did I do?” and “am I responsible for how my daughter is?” Of course, over time I’ve realised that’s not the case but, intermittently, those thoughts return and need to be slapped away.

Guilt when my daughter has to go to the hospital. This used to much more of a regular occurrence but now we are down to about once a month, so less guilt you’d think. Of course not! In fact, it has got a bit harder as she has gotten older and questioned why she has to go to hospital. We are in transition at this point from a children’s to an adult’s hospital, and although we have always tried to make sure medical professionals talk to her, not at her (not always easy), and try to involve her in decisions, there are some decisions she isn’t actually mature enough yet to make. These decisions may impact on her long-term health and potentially her independence. So with hospitals, there is a decent serving of guilt for putting her through things she hates, and she tells us she hates, but which we know will help her long-term.

Guilt she doesn’t have enough friends. This is my problem alone because as I’ve said before I’m not even sure she is one of those people (unlike me) who needs lots of friends. But as I’m responsible for her social life, then I get the guilt of feeling have I done enough?

Guilt she watches too much of her tablet. Yes, we ration her, but sometimes when she’s been busy and is clearly overwhelmed and needs time alone we do let her retreat. Maybe not perfect parenting but practical parenting and we do have every parental control possible on. However, as her favourite viewing choices are The Big Bang Theory and Friends, I’m claiming this as an educational tool!

Guilt about being happy when I have a break from her. I’ve got over this one pretty quickly when I realised she relishes this time even more than me. Away from parents means she feels grown up, independent and all the things she strives for. No need for guilt on that one.

I could go on but then I’d feel guilty for taking up too much of your time! So let me sum up what I really think about all this guilt. It’s not my fault but it will be at fault if I don’t do absolutely everything I can to give her every opportunity she deserves to live the kind of life she wants to live. So note to self, STOP IT!

Wake Up To Sleep

Podcast Episode 42. Do you need more sleep because your child needs more sleep? Maybe this weeks guest can help. Continue reading