Learning to Relax

Podcast Episode 73 Emotions are part of being human. But for many of us there are times when we wish we had better tools to manage our emotions. This can be especially true for young people with additional needs who often face extra internal and external emotional triggers. In this episode we hear from Dana Bishop a Relax Kids coach on some of the strategies that can be used to not only manage the way we feel but to harness these feelings and increase our mental health wellbeing.

Dana shares the 7 steps model of Relax Kids explaining each step and providing examples of how has used it. The steps model work around the idea that you can’t just decide to relax but rather you need to go through a series of steps which will help you get to that relaxed state you are after. Some of the tools Dana talks about are one’s we have all heard of like breathing exercises and affirmations but she provides a timely reminder that it’s the simple ideas which are still the best.

Being able to understand and manage emotions is key for our young people in their daily lives and a skill that most will need to explicitly learn. The Relax Kids model of understanding that to relax is a process not just an end, and knowing what the steps are, will be for many people an invaluable addition to their emotional toolbox.

Show Full Transcript
Podcast Transcript
DEBRA: Welcome to Episode 73 of the Journey Skills podcast. I recorded this episode a while back but kept it in the bank so to speak because I felt this would be an ideal one to put out just before the Christmas holidays in preparation for a period that we can all find a bit emotionally overwhelming. But it’s also a time where we have more time to reflect, more time to spend together, and to do the kind of things that we’re talking about in this episode.

I’m talking to Dana Bishop about the Relax Kids program. Dana is a Relax Kids consultant and she shares the 7 steps that the Relax Kids program actually uses. Dana was just really sharing some simple tools and I think it’s really easy to forget the simple tools are often the ones that work the best. So she’s just talking about things like affirmations, and this is one of the things I took away from talking to Dana. And I’ve actually been working on this with my daughter. And it’s a really simple thing to have affirmations everyday but it can make such a difference to a young person particularly if they have some confront issues.

There is some other great ideas she shares as well so I hope you get something that you can takeaway and use over the holiday break. Of course Relax Kids is a business, so I should say that this is not an advertisement or endorsement of the program but also like to say that I really appreciate Dana being so generous in sharing her knowledge.

DEBRA: Today I am talking to Dana Bishop from Relax Kids. Welcome, Dana.

DANA: Hello.

DEBRA: Can you tell me, first of all, a little bit about yourself and then about Relax Kids?

DANA: I got involved with Relax Kids about 18 months ago now and I found out about it through a friend who has got a daughter with medical needs because my son himself has got long-term health conditions and was really struggling with his emotions and he was saying horrendous things that he wanted to die and he just wasn’t coping with life at all. And we weren’t actually getting any support for him emotionally. So I thought I need to find something to help him.

And then my friend told me about Relax Kids which I hadn’t actually heard of. It’s actually been going for 19 years, believe it or not, but still some people don’t know about it. And I looked into it and I thought this is what he needs. So about a year later, I did the training and very quickly I noticed that the techniques which I’ll talk about in more detail in a moment, was starting to help my son deal with his anxieties. So really, it’s been absolutely fantastic, not just for him, but our whole family, for his brother as well who was hearing these horrific things that my son was saying. I wish I’d find out about it sooner, really.

DEBRA: So can you talk me through, say for example someone comes to Relax Kids, what’s the process and where do they start?

DANA: So, Relax Kids follows 7 steps. So we take children from high energy through to relaxation. These 7 steps include movement, play, yoga stretching, self and peer massage, affirmations, deep breathing techniques, and relaxation. And to find that it’s a natural.. the steps, take children then from not suddenly being high energy to expecting them to relax really quickly. You’re more naturally coming down to relaxation by following those 7 steps. When I carry out the sessions with children that by the time you sort of get to the stretching and the massage, they’re starting to calm down getting them ready to go into the deep breathing and the affirmations and relaxation. So all sessions follow 7 steps.

DEBRA: So, the 7 steps, can you just go through them and talk about what happens in each step?

DANA: Yep, so for example we start with movement and play. This includes high energy and fun and games so children increase in their heart rate, might to do with some team building with the group and really the movement and play are the two lively steps. But if I was doing this with a one-to-one (because I do one-to-ones as well as groups) what I tend to do with the movement and play is I include quite a lot of games where I’m getting to know the child. A quite mindful games like Jengga or Solitaire and I’m talking to the child as they’re playing as well. And often children, when they’re playing a game, they don’t actually realize that they’re opening up because they’re more relaxed.

So I adapt the sessions because obviously the games that I might play in a big group of children aren’t always going to be suitable for a one-to-one and actually I work with a girl who was nonverbal and what I did for the movement and play part was I used a lot of sensory activities. So we played with multi-coloured rice, pasta, slime that actually really enjoyed the sensory aspect of it because obviously the normal games that I would have picked into place weren’t necessarily going to work with her being nonverbal.

And then we go onto the stretching which is basic yoga stretching to stretch out the body and awaken the body ready for the rest of the session. I’m not a yoga teacher but I’m able to teach them basic stretches. And these can actually be really good because you can adapt them again for the classroom. So, say for example, a child gets seem restless and all their hands are aching with lots of writing, I can teach them exercises to stretch out their hands or stretch up to the ceiling. Just things that they can do that they’re seated instead of having to move around. So again, it can be really adaptable.

And then the feel part is the massage, which actually, with children as well that I’ve worked with sensory issues and the parents might say to me, “I don’t know if they’ll like the massage.” I’ve actually found that the massage is often the favourite part. And I teach them how to do a massage on themselves like a relaxing phase massage or hands or feet. Or if sometimes in my sessions, it might be the whole family session or with a sibling. I’ll teach them how to do it on to each other or if the parent isn’t there, I’ll teach the child how to do it so that they can do it on a parent or parent can do it onto them. And we include massage because again massage can be really relaxing and really lovely bonding activity between a sibling and a child or a parent. And again, if a child didn’t like massage (I haven’t found that yet), I would adapt it in a way in which I say, “Well let’s do it on a teddy bear” so that they don’t have to do it, touch themselves if they weren’t too keen. But I do actually find that they really enjoy the massage.

And then we go onto the deep breathing technique. I say that this is one of the really important steps because it’s the deep breathing that can really help to calm you down. And I sort of explained it, when you’re taking the deep breaths, it’s because you’re focusing on that breath, that you’re concentrating on that instead of being really whine up or angry or really anxious about something. And I make it in a fun way, so we use feathers. Yesterday with a little girl, she was blowing her worry bubbles away. We use things like a breathing ball, which basically is showing them visually what’s going on with a diaphragmatic breathing because when they’re breathe in, the ball goes out and when they breathe out, the ball goes in. So it’s very visual.

So I’m not just necessarily just making the child sit there and just do deep breathing, I make it fun. And as I said I think the deep breathing is one of the most important steps. And things like hand-breathing where they trace up and down their fingers and I’ve had one little girl who was going back to school having been home-schooled. Her mum was saying, “She would sat in the car, focusing on doing her hand breathing before she went into school.” And again, that’s something that you can use anywhere because obviously some of the things like using the feathers and the props, that’s not adaptable but you can just use your hand breathing under the desk. So, I include activities that they can use anywhere as well.

And then we move on to the affirmations. And a lot of children have absolutely no idea what affirmations are. So I explain to them, we call this step Believe actually. The affirmations are about saying kind words to believe in yourself. And they’ve often find this quite strange at first because saying to yourself, “I am amazing, I am calm” can be quite alien because you might have somebody saying positive things to you but teaching somebody to say positive things themselves is quite new for them.

But I say things like looking into a mirror so you really believe in yourself. And my youngest little boy from four years old, he would really confidently do this because he started from so young. And actually, that step I find really powerful with my eldest and his health issues because one of his conditions is he’s got a really severe skin condition and he gets very itchy and he would keep calling us and calling us for help but now he would say, “I’ve said my affirmations, I’ve said I am calm. I can do this but mommy I’m still itchy, can you help me?” So, he’s really using those to help him. I often give children affirmation cards at the end of the sessions to take home so they’ve got the visual representation or I put them into my boys’ lunch box so they can see it at school. So affirmations are really powerful.

And then we end with the relaxation. And the relaxation, we use books from Relax Kids and relaxation is obviously great as the word says the relaxation book. Fantastic also for children using their imagination because all of their meditations are written around themes like amazing hues, the happiness way. So I had one child recently who said to me after the relaxation, “My goodness, I was really there. I was really in that worry balloon. I could really feel myself and see myself there.” So, it’s fantastic obviously for relaxation but the imagination side of it as well, it’s fantastic.

DEBRA: So, you say you’d deal with younger children, when it comes to older children, how can they use the same sorts of things?

DANA: So Relax Kids is really adaptable. Some coaches going to care homes and do relaxation with elderly people with Dementia. There is a specific program for 10 year olds and sort of going into the teenagers called Charge Up but we still follow the 7 step techniques but obviously it’s adapted to the older age group.

DEBRA: Have you found then some of the children you work with, they’re starting to use that without you being around, they’re using all these techniques. All the techniques or do they pick out, you said about the breathing techniques, do they pick out individual bits or do you think they’d run through the whole thing or they just find something that they can relate?

DANA: I think what you’re saying is true actually that often there might be one aspect of it that really touches a child and it might be like with my son, he tends to use the affirmations a lot and then I got a message from another parent who will say, “Oh, so they really practicing their breathing and they love using their worry bubbles or the different props.” or again, another child loves using the relaxation books. So I think you’re right. Not necessarily that they follow those 7 steps because actually when I do a session whether it’d be one-to-one, community, family, or in a school, they tend to be 45 minutes to an hour long, so for a child to sort of run through that themselves is a long amount of time.

So, it seems to be that they dip in and out of what is the favourite step or again the massage actually I get quite a lot of parents who say, “Oh, we’re loving the massage. We’re doing that every night as part of our routine before we go to bed.” So I think it is more… I think the most popular seems to be the massage, the breathing, the affirmations, and the relaxation because I think with the movement, the play, and the stretching, that tends to be something they’re doing more as a group or as part of the 7 steps. I mean, they might use these steps– the stretching in school if they’re at their desk and they’re getting restless but I certainly think that actually the more calmer step are the ones that they’re using more often.

DEBRA: Because the other ones they don’t necessarily need all the time…

DANA: I think that’s what it is actually and they find the movement and the play, and the stretching— they’re great because they’re part of the 7 steps but I think, often my feedback (because I ask for feedback sort of at the beginning and end of my session) they love those steps but they’re the more lively and fun steps and I think you’re right, the other steps they’re using to put into place when they’re in those difficult situations and struggling with those difficult emotions.

DEBRA: This seems like quite a simple idea doesn’t it? Going from a very stress to unstress but having those different steps. Putting you on the spot, do you have a favourite? Do you think there’s one that actually you find makes the most difference to people? I know you said your son prefers affirmations but is there one that you think for example parents who are listening to this could take away and go actually ‘Just use this one and this will really help you straight away’.

DANA: I mean I think I love the relaxation because I remember when I first started doing this, we live in such a busy world. You know, everybody having to work and juggling work and school and being parents and children have a really busy lives with all the after-school clubs and hobbies that they have. And actually seeing children laying down at the ends, snuggled up with their blanket with cushions and cuddlies and often now laying there for a walk can be up to 15 minutes, relaxing and calm, I found that really powerful and I know that Marneta, the founder that was one of the main reasons that she developed and created Relax Kids because she was actually a clown and she was doing children’s parties and finding that even in a really sort of fun, lively situation the children just weren’t focusing on her as an entertainer and she just sort of “What is going on?” So when you’ve actually got those children calm and listening to a relaxation and being at the moment, I find that really powerful with us all having such really busy lives.

DEBRA: But when you say that, it does sound like you couldn’t get to that last point without doing a couple of the other things.

DANA: You’re right. I do think that the seven steps definitely are created because they get you to that instead of some schools are really trying their best I know with all the time constraints that they’ve got and the children were coming from the play time and they might say “Alright class put your head on the desk.” and trying do short relaxation but the children are so sort of whine up and lively to suddenly go from being lively to put their head on the desk and trying to relax is really difficult which is why the seven steps work. But the relaxation can be still really effective by itself. It just does work better if part of the seven steps. Saying that at bedtime using the relaxation, Relax Kids CDs or the books can be really effective at bedtime. You know, when you’ve got to that calm place with maybe bath and reading and then putting on a Relax Kid CD or using one of the books. One of them as well the Dream Machine is more interactive where the child goes on a mindful journey. There’s a hundred thousand different story options and there’s use of meditation, the breathing, the affirmations and even though that is more interactive that one is really popular as well for bedtime. So you certainly can use it as a standalone step and I think once a child has been introduced to the 7 steps, they are then more able to use it by itself but I’m just saying especially when you’ve got a big group of children to get them through to those seven steps through to the relaxation is just more effective because it’s their natural energy state. Especially for doing it at a different time in the day when they may be more lively.

DEBRA: Can you tell us about the resources that are available, you just quickly mentioned there books but what else is, where would people go to find out more about Relax Kids and what resources are available for them?

DANA: So for example relaxkids.com you can see the store on there with all the different books that have been written. There’s a fantastic new book coming out. Right now I think it’s in pre-launch called The Imaginarium which is going to be brilliant for the teenage age group. There’s also cd’s on there as well. And also, there’s often free resources for example a 21 day program for relaxation. October affirmations so you can print that out and read different affirmations. There’s usually at the beginning of the year an affirmation calendar for the whole year. So there’s lots of different resources on there. There’s also our Relax Kids Facebook page and also I’ve got my Relax Kids Facebook page which is Relax Kids Tadworth and Walton with Dana and I often put ideas on there and resources but the relaxkids.com, there’s a lot of information and resources on there that parents can buy and use at home.

DEBRA: Dana, thank you so much for your time.

DANA: Thank you.

DEBRA: Key takeaway? Often solutions aren’t just one thing, sometimes it’s steps to solutions or a few different things working together.

Resources
Relax Kids
Dana’s Facebook Page

Please subscribe to this podcast and if you have a story you would like to share I would love to hear from you just email debra@journeyskills.com

Please Review Us On iTunes

If you liked this podcast and would like to help us, please do the 1, 2, 3:
(1) Click Review on iTunes (2) Click ‘View in Itunes’; and (3) Click on ‘Ratings and Reviews’ (just to the right of ‘Details’) and leave a review.